Lara Croft's Tits Are Too Small

[Tessera]

Yeah, I just started playing Rise of the Tomb Raider and I'm finding it to be pretty much the same shit.

Okay... I just finished Rise Of The Tomb Raider and I have a few thoughts to share about it...


(1) The overall story is fine. A bit too religious for my taste (Lara Meets Jesus, basically). But it's fine.

(2) It has WAAAAAY too many cut scenes. I've always hated cinematic cut scenes in video games, because they force the player to become an observer, rather than a participant. ROTR has a new cut scene every 15 minutes.

(3) The last 2 hours or so of the game feels like it was a rush job on the part of the devs. It also features what are unquestionably the most unimaginative, tedious and annoying puzzles in the entire game.

(4) The final fight is too easy. Toss a couple of frag bombs, stun him, and then hack the bad guy to pieces. Whoopie... like I said, it feels like a rush job.

(5) Lara's tits are way too small. No really -- they are.


On that final point, let me clarify:




On the left is Lara from about 10 years ago... and on the right is Lara from ROTR (her latest outing).

Ahem...

For nearly 20 years, Lara Croft has been a sex symbol. It's far too late for Crystal Dynamics or anyone else to come along and try to change that fact. And I really don't care what the Society Of Flat-Chested Lesbian Gamers or whoever has to say about the supposed "objectification" of Lara Croft. The fact remains that she is and has always been a voluptuous, well-endowed British beauty... who is ALSO a very capable, kick-ass adventurer.

But in ROTR, she somehow lost 2 whole cup sizes. This is simply unacceptable. Totally.

[perez007usa]

Even the games are becoming politically correct!! What a world, what a world. Thank the hi heavens, that we have the modders to change that.    

[Tessera]

Even the games are becoming politically correct!! What a world, what a world. Thank the hi heavens, that we have the modders to change that.    

If you poke around on the web, you can find several articles devoted to Lara Croft's sex symbol status. Quite a few references have been made with regards to her large (and iconic) breasts in particular.

Crystal Dynamics... the current developers of the Tomb Raider franchise... have actually stated that they've been deliberately altering Lara's physical proportions. Supposedly, they're trying to appease feminists who have criticized the old Lara as being "unrealistic" and "over-endowed" and having an "unattainable" figure.

"Unrealistic..?" "Unattainable..?" Those self-serving statements would only have merit if there were no such things in this world as slim, athletic women with huge tits.

BUT THERE ARE.  

Tell you what... let me post another screenshot. But this time, I'm going to juxtapose the original Lara Croft side-by-side with a real, all-natural woman... whose body is pretty much exactly the same as the original Lara's:



On the left: Lara Croft as she originally appeared. On the right: 1981 Playboy Playmate Karen Price... who aside from being a 100% natural and VERY well-endowed (38DDD) sexpot, is also an accomplished athlete (just look at the muscles in her thighs). Karen Price is practically a dead-ringer for Lara Croft... so all of those idiotic feminist arguments about Lara's iconic physique being "unrealistic and unattainable" are obviously horseshit. Uncommon, maybe... but definitely not unrealistic. Karen Price is living proof that beautiful girls who look like Lara do indeed exist.

The Itty Bitty Titty Committee needs to relax and accept the fact that there are indeed women in this world who have exceptionally curvy bodies.

[rubinonthetable]

Talk about A-cup angst, lol. Well as mentioned on the poll I did say she is angsty but that's besides the point, which is like the spear counterpart where dudes have a small junk to woman having small tits. GGG cup would've been so much preferable seeing that she's been walking around in the cold weather, or at least pillow her from danger.

[Tessera]

I will also mention that Karen Price trained for many years in gymnastics, acrobatics and even a bit of bodybuilding. Following her stint as a Playboy Playmate, she went on to have a moderately successful career as a stunt woman in films. Today... so far as I know... she produces cable television programs.

The reason that I'm mentioning all of that, is to shut up anyone who attempts to respond to my previous post with some comment along the lines of "Okay sure... she looks like Lara Croft. But she could never do any of those physical stunts with a body like that." Well, yes she can -- and she did. In a fair number of movies and television shows.

In fact, I have a video of Karen Price making an appearance on an old TV show from the 80's (I can't remember which show). You can probably find it on YouTube. Anyway, the episode opens with Karen Price as a circus performer who is hanging from a trapeze that is suspended by a helicopter, hovering above a grassy field. Soon, she does a stunt where she rapidly spins in the air, suspended only by a bit that she's holding between her teeth. A rather dangerous stunt to be sure... and Karen did all of the stunt work herself.

If sexy Karen Price could do stunts like that with huge boobs... then so can Lara Croft.

So hey... give Lara Croft her original body back. Stop caving in to the politically correct nerds and nitwits out there, and just run with it. Sales for the games will increase, regardless of any whining that may arise.

And for shit's sake, make the Tomb Raider games "modder-friendly" again. Regardless of what any of you may think about sexy mods, such mods have never, ever harmed the sales of a particular game. Indeed, the fact remains that they INCREASE the sales for the games in question. There are thousands... probably hundreds of thousands... maybe even millions... of gamers who may have been reluctant to purchase a particular title, but ended up deciding to take the plunge and buy it after they saw some of the sexy mods that were available for that particular game. Lots of people ended up purchasing Skyrim on that basis, for example. Bottom line: by interfering with our modding efforts (and I'm talking to you, Crystal Dynamics), you are LOSING LOTS OF MONEY. That is simply a fact.

[perez007usa]

But, as long they have the politically correct shit in their asses,  games will go by the way side.

[Tessera]

But, as long they have the politically correct shit in their asses,  games will go by the way side.

And they'll keep losing money. Lots of money.

[rubinonthetable]

You know I think they're so trying so hard to be like Uncharted, more like a very wimped out flat-chested dive into danger idiot version of the character from Uncharted. No really they actually are, think about it. A bunch of parkour bullshit, climbing, scaling with a boat loads of button mashing. Sure there was a bunch of climbing and scaling in the old tomb raider games but still. I remember the silver age of gamings where not everything is politically correct, but pretty much politically incorrect. do we give a shit, fuck no

[perez007usa]

But it is there, every thing is politicaly correct, what ever you see and read and above all hear. It's all there, thank god I still have the originals.

[Blankspace]

I blame these ultra PC SJW types getting into media.

[Tessera]

I blame these ultra PC SJW types getting into media.

I don't.

I blame other people for listening to those nitwits. The world has always been burdened with overly reactionary people, who enjoy displaying mock outrage at every opportunity that presents itself. The best way to handle SJW's is to smile and nod, and then go back to ignoring them. That way, they'll have no real credibility and the rest of us can go back to simply enjoying whatever feels good.

Anyway, Lara Croft's big boobs were not an exploitation, nor did they necessarily represent a "sexualization" of the character. Nope... Lara's original, voluptuous figure simply added another dimension to the character, which can never be a bad thing within a work of fiction. Sex appeal, when handled adeptly, can produce a character who is far more complex and interesting than she would have been otherwise. And it is guaranteed to sell more units of the game.

[Blankspace]

I blame these ultra PC SJW types getting into media.

I don't.

I blame other people for listening to those nitwits. The world has always been burdened with overly reactionary people, who enjoy displaying mock outrage at every opportunity that presents itself. The best way to handle SJW's is to smile and nod, and then go back to ignoring them. That way, they'll have no real credibility and the rest of us can go back to simply enjoying whatever feels good.

Anyway, Lara Croft's big boobs were not an exploitation, nor did they necessarily represent a "sexualization" of the character. Nope... Lara's original, voluptuous figure simply added another dimension to the character, which can never be a bad thing within a work of fiction. Sex appeal, when handled adeptly, can produce a character who is far more complex and interesting than she would have been otherwise. And it is guaranteed to sell more units of the game.

Yea, people being sheep is the real problem.

[perez007usa]

You have to blame the media! Oh well, back to watching Naked News for a bit.

[rubinonthetable]

One thing that I learned, it's more like either 'tits or GTFO', not really as a joke because square enix does really need to add some traditional DD and give it some change of pace without making lara into a dumbass, or leave the f*ck series alone. First they fuck with the Hitman series and yes they did, and now tomb raider. No one really does need another Nathan Drake (uncharted series) wannabe, never learn from their experience and still act like they're in square one you know. Anyhow there's actually nude mods from different site, yeah one prob. doesn't make her tits any bigger then her head, still a little too much petite pride.

[perez007usa]

One thing that I learned, it's more like either 'tits or GTFO', not really as a joke because square enix does really need to add some traditional DD and give it some change of pace without making lara into a dumbass, or leave the f*ck series alone. First they fuck with the Hitman series and yes they did, and now tomb raider. No one really does need another Nathan Drake (uncharted series) wannabe, never learn from their experience and still act like they're in square one you know. Anyhow there's actually nude mods from different site, yeah one prob. doesn't make her tits any bigger then her head, still a little too much petite pride.

No, not really, they just want to make us buy these god awful games. Even tweating or whatever, won't make them any better.

[rubinonthetable]

No, not really, they just want to make us buy these god awful games. Even tweating or whatever, won't make them any better.

Lara has been a sex symbol in 1996 since the very fucking conception of the series since the SJW dimwits. ALWAYS! This is not a fucking surprise if they had any fucking interest in the god damn series. Fucking hell, back in the 90s or something when the first game was announced one of the first fucking things I did was just google concept art of the game and FUCKING BEHOLD there was a fucking female with large tits wearing shorts in the roster. This isn't something that they did through a fucking demand for a female protagonist but Toby Gard, the designer and fucking maker of the original series, WANTED a female character in his series and if any of the dumbass SWJ and feminazi had any fucking idea of his works his fucking art is the least fucking pc thing about it because he design women with fucking melon tits that defy gravity, laws of physics and clothing constraints. I mean, LOOK AT THIS!



This sort of character design is something that SWJ cunts get their granny panties in a fucking twist. Fucking christ, I hate political correctness pandering but people like them, those who just at the very fucking THOUGHT of one of the adventurer having a god damn pair of tits, can be fucking worse. Seriously, WTF!? It was going to be fucking inevitable that Lara was going to be a woman and that we would play her if the series would've continued after the 2nd. Those god damn dumbasses are just the same as the fucking over sensitive feminazi's and the childish political correctness crowd. This is honestly getting fucking stupid since ANY GAME NOW that has a female protagonists gets fucking attacked on two bloody sides. One side potentially being the feminist/pc crowd being all "she is over sexualized and objectified and is just a token female in a group of guys- Blah blah blah whine whine whine" and then there are people like them who "Fucking hell everything is so fucking pc now that they included a woman in this game series, everything is being so feminized blah blah blah whine whine whine" Don't get me started with the new Metal Gear Solid 5 game, well here's a nutshell rather then appreciate the game being out or before being out, they will enjoy nitpicking.

THIS IS WHY WE DON'T DESERVE ANYTHING NICE ANYMORE!!! It's like this retarded god damn pendulum of butthurt, it swings one way and then swings the other way in this perpetual circle of retardation. They need Untwist their god damn tits already because fucking hell they are being just as fucking pathetic as the SWJ crowd.

[perez007usa]

Most of us like me, have all the orginal TR's all of them except the last 2, she is big, the reboot of the first, they have them bounceing. this is how you sell.

[rubinonthetable]

Most of us like me, have all the orginal TR's all of them except the last 2, she is big, the reboot of the first, they have them bounceing. this is how you sell.

To be honest I actually grew up with the first game where the ps1/psx existed. Well actually I have all almost all of them on computer except for Legend, Underworld, and Anniversary which doesn't really phase me much since it's just a improved version of the first game. I already disavowed the story of the reboot, alot of old school fans would rather consider it as an origin story rather then a clean slate of a mess.